his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
