I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
