If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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