He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
