hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
