There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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