my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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