So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
