My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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