He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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