She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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