I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
