I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
