this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Randomize
