I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
