I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize