So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
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I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.