How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
