Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
