I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
