well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
