Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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