I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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