idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
