My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
