Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
