Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
