He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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