woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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