That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
