Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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