More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
