I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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