I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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