I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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