my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
