I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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