Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
