I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
