FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
