Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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