you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
