i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
