Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
