I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize