Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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