in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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