We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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