I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
