note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
