I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
