i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
