He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
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I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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