It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even my vagina gasped.
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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