nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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