Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't motorboat a personality
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
