so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
