____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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