I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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