Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
