White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
