defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
