In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
