Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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