He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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