Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
