In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
