I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
