Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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