I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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