you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
