I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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